Just a quick dive by to say – “No, I haven’t shuffled off this mortal coil.” Nor have I shuffled off to Buffalo. My brain is so scattered today. I opened the computer to post this – and ended up ordering 400 page dividers.
If you can figure that out… tell me. Please. That was just a weird one.
So – here I am being random girl — when I have things to do. Real things.
I’m agent hunting. This time I think I’m doing it in a better and more structured manner than last time. So – hey, I can be taught. Every day I’m attempting to put two well-crafted queries out into the void. Just two. And yes, even that is a stretch on some days when my brain is playing zippy-the-squirrel.
And if you’re interested – I’m thinking of doing something a little weird. Like that’s a surprise? But – it’ll be an experiment. Look for it to hit the ether – either today or tomorrow.
Ok. There seems to be a bit more focus in the tank now. Onwards.
I like to think I am relatively ‘easy going’. I’ve had folks tell me that I was a pleasure to work with. Huzzah. And I like to think that not many things send me into a point of anger. Of course, that could just be the CPTSD and the fact that I have virtually no emotions talking. But, hey. It’s chill. I’m good.
But then I meet folks who want to redefine my story of my life. They sit there and explain to me how my representation of my experience is ‘wrong’. Yeah. I ran into one of those recently. Oh… I really wanted to ‘rage post’, but my interior editor stopped me. Thank goodness for that titanium trap in my mind that usually keeps me from uttering something that might later be – ahem… unfortunate.
So, instead, I sat down and wrote this 100-word essay. I hope you enjoy. And, just as a tip. When someone is divulging their truth to you, do not attempt to invalidate their experience in any way. It makes us grumpy.
You’ve seen it most likely. It makes the rounds every year, starting about now-ish. That question that floats around the internet about the movie that most represents your family Christmas.
People usually don’t understand why I pick “The Lion in Winter.”
Go, give it a watch if you have never seen it. The Burton/Hepburn version is my favorite, but I’ll admit that the Stewart/Close version also had some brilliant moments.
That is the film that most closely depicts my family in “The Holidays”. All of us crammed together on our best behaviour and underneath everyone seething. So many emotions all just under the surface. No one talking about them. Just playing out our roles until time to do it again.
One day, perhaps, I will be able to look at the “Holiday Season” without my teeth clenching. Until then, enjoy the movie.
We often ask ourselves ‘Why Bother?’ as we are healing. We ask it when we are hurting, or when the amount of work seems too much, or in those moments when we feel we are not ‘enough’ of what we want to be.
In those moments, remember, you are a light.
You may not feel like a big, bright light, but that doesn’t matter.
What matters is that healing from your past, helps someone find their way to their own healing journey.
As we heal we light the way not only for ourselves, but for others as well.