The prompt and the week that it is attached to sometimes are not in sync. This is the situation reflected in this entry to the poetry battle. The prompt was : Bliss.
The word repels me. Turned its back on me. So I turn away in turn. Sore. Ignored And bruised. It denies me its presence So I deny its existence. I will be Barren stone To being a fool Waiting Longer Longing For rain To bloom.
Duane Robert Stewart October 16, 1964 – January 18, 2021
My brother died today and I wept for him, for us. For all the warm words we never exchanged, For all the jealousy we held for each other, For all the times pain was our only contact, For the words of hurt, For the thefts, For the bruises, For the silence, And for the little boy At the bottom of the stairs Who screamed in panic As I fled upward And father raged below. You deserved better, And so did I.
I like to think I am relatively ‘easy going’. I’ve had folks tell me that I was a pleasure to work with. Huzzah. And I like to think that not many things send me into a point of anger. Of course, that could just be the CPTSD and the fact that I have virtually no emotions talking. But, hey. It’s chill. I’m good.
But then I meet folks who want to redefine my story of my life. They sit there and explain to me how my representation of my experience is ‘wrong’. Yeah. I ran into one of those recently. Oh… I really wanted to ‘rage post’, but my interior editor stopped me. Thank goodness for that titanium trap in my mind that usually keeps me from uttering something that might later be – ahem… unfortunate.
So, instead, I sat down and wrote this 100-word essay. I hope you enjoy. And, just as a tip. When someone is divulging their truth to you, do not attempt to invalidate their experience in any way. It makes us grumpy.
The hole in my chest is cavernous. It should be impossible for a human body to contain this much emptiness. The echoes created there ripple out between past and present, creating confusion between the then and the now. I survive with one foot nailed in the past.
Note: The VSS series is an outgrowth of writing prompts for Twitter. The goal is to produce a Tweet that fits within the 280 character format, and uses the given idea or word.
We often ask ourselves ‘Why Bother?’ as we are healing. We ask it when we are hurting, or when the amount of work seems too much, or in those moments when we feel we are not ‘enough’ of what we want to be.
In those moments, remember, you are a light.
You may not feel like a big, bright light, but that doesn’t matter.
What matters is that healing from your past, helps someone find their way to their own healing journey.
As we heal we light the way not only for ourselves, but for others as well.