Better Understanding Complex PTSD

Essays - Understanding Complex PTSD

Understanding Complex PTSD

The following essays and poems, memes and posts try to capture what it is like to have Complex PTSD (cptsd). The topics range from having a flashback, to dealing with triggers, to avoidance, to strategies to … well, you name it. Understanding complex PTSD can be tough, whether you are in the midst of it or whether you are supporting someone who is. I hope these essays and captured thoughts can help illuminate the dark.

Included in the list of items below are a variety of materials (kinda the kitchen sink approach.) – If you’ve come here looking specifically for the poetry, the essays or the memes – these links should help. If you would like to see external resources – try this page

New Area:

Complex PTSD Survivor Voices

Complex PTSD Survivor Voices vacant black and gray chair in room
Photo by OVAN on Pexels.com

A safe place for Complex PTSD survivors to write about their experiences. Our stories are as different as our journeys.
The first essay – Fierce Independence by Anonymous
Fierce independence and self-reliance are survival skills. We don’t see the rage or pain behind it, we don’t hear the primal screams of an abandoned child.
Continue reading…

Conformity

curled, twistedbroke and bentpulled and pushedtorn and rentpieces droppedlimbs loppedall to shapea perfect figmentof feminineaccomplishment

My Brother

Tragedy

My brotherA nameI simply movedFromOne columnTo another.

The fight to live

Another Day

Another dayAnother ten roundsEven when you can’tYou don’t want To fight. Any more. No mas. No mas. Those are the daysTo fight the hardest. We fight to live.

CPTSD and family : When you grow up in a minefield, it seems normal.

An Analogy: the Wetsuit

People often find it difficult to explain, or to understand Complex PTSD. I often find myself falling into metaphor or analogy to explain the experience. The reason for using an abstraction is because in Complex PTSD the particulars from one person to another vary – greatly. I have found that trying to paint a detailed … Continue reading An Analogy: the Wetsuit

Poetry Counterpoint Complex PTSD

Counterpoint

Between the ideaAnd the realityBetween the motionAnd the actFalls the shadow ~TS Eliot (The Hollow Men) That space betweenA pointOf precarious balanceWhere we existBoth alive and not. ~ M.Stewart (on complex-ptsd)

Siblings and Complex PTSD

Divided

I cannot describe how deep the wound goes. When I lost mybrother – he was only seven andI was only three. After that we shared the same house. We fought and shunned one another. Neither one awareof the poisonthat forced us apart.

Single candle

Bone Deep

We were never meant to carryThe shame that goes bone-deepfor any reason,for every reason,for no reason. It is not ours to keep.

A new post up at the CPTSD Foundation

Ah yes, the Holidays. Here is my Thanksgiving wish for you, and me. This will be the first official ‘holiday’ at my mother’s house in 5+ years. The feeling is kinda “I wonder how it’ll go” v. “OMG – What have I done?”I’ll be keeping all of you in my thoughts. Hang in there.

Complex PTSD Survivor Voices vacant black and gray chair in room

Fierce Independence

A part of the Complex PTSD Survivor Voices Series. This strives to be a safe place for Complex PTSD survivors to write about their experiences. Our stories are as different as our journeys. What is Complex-PTSD by Anonymous Fierce independence and self-reliance are survival skills. We don’t see the rage or pain behind it, we … Continue reading Fierce Independence

Raindrop

Heavy raindrops fallSplashing on my glassesBlinding me to all. Michael takes awayThe lenses that warp my sightWith a tender kiss. Giving me shelterFrom the chaos of my pastI cling to his strength His oak to my ivy. His sun to my rain.

Poetry Battle: Bliss

The prompt and the week that it is attached to sometimes are not in sync. This is the situation reflected in this entry to the poetry battle. The prompt was : Bliss.

Healing the Invisible

After a few tries you wonder if the voices of the CPTSD are right. You fear you never will be ‘visible’.,, But, there is a tiny voice within undulled by all the abuses and fear that whispers – “Try.”

a grayscale photo of medication pills

Falling off the edge

Meanwhile, the Dr., the Pharmacy, the Insurance company are all looking at one another and telling me that I am not their problem. 

Meanwhile – I’m running out of my medication. 

light blue one use medical protective masks

Unpacking: COVID and ‘brain disease’

IF anything, this study has demonstrated that mental health is interwoven with physical health. The first order is to preserve life, but we must not abandon the fundamental human need to live.

Complex PTSD - balance

What is Complex-PTSD (CPTSD)

Definition of CPTSD Complex post traumatic stress disorder is a psychological disorder that can develop in response to prolonged, repeated experience of trauma in a context where the individual has little or no chance of escape. Honestly, I can’t remember if these are my words or not. Please tell me if they are yours. That … Continue reading What is Complex-PTSD (CPTSD)

selective focus photography of assorted color stars

A little victory over CPTSD

I didn’t have a migraine last night.Read that sentence again because I’m going to explain WHY? that is a big deal. Ready? One of the symptoms of my Complex PTSD, since I was 12 perhaps, has been debilitating blinding headaches. I could expect expect 3-4 nights out of the year that I would spend sleeping … Continue reading A little victory over CPTSD

Very Short Story : Dangerous

I will never be alone. I forevercarry my mother’s voice with me.In my head the word ‘danger’echoes, inescapable.Stairs, danger. Eating, danger.Ice, danger. People, danger.That word, her fear isher legacy to me. Feb. 2, 2021 Note: The VSS series is an outgrowth of writing prompts for Twitter. The goal is to produce a Tweet that fits within … Continue reading Very Short Story : Dangerous

The Thinking Read

Off the rails : CPTSD Cycle

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a bitch. I was trying for something more academic sounding, but let’s face it, I’m not on that plane today. Nope, today is one of those days where I’m just trying to figure out where I put my sh*t. Or, more accurately, where I lost it. I know when. … Continue reading Off the rails : CPTSD Cycle

Zen Stones and a candle.

For my brother

Duane Robert Stewart October 16, 1964 – January 18, 2021 My brother died today and I wept for him, for us. For all the warm words we never exchanged, For all the jealousy we held for each other, For all the times pain was our only contact, For the words of hurt, For the thefts, … Continue reading For my brother

Touching base

Well, January 2021 certainly led off with a bang. I still see things on the horizon of concern. I’m trying very hard NOT to focus on those. Instead, I am head-down in editing my second novel while waiting somewhat patiently for my first novel to have a pre-order date. I’m also trying to remind myself … Continue reading Touching base

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