Letters home from the querying trenches by a weary writer, describing the travails of flogging a manuscript.
Essays:
Tools in the Trench
A Brief Rant About Editing
Wabbit Hunting
Commercial Enough?
Too Good to be True?
A Sharp Left
Did the Rabbit Die?
Sanity Saver?
We Create Our Rejections
Writers and the Bird
Inventing Quicksand
A Question of Style
120
Comparable
5 Things
Tappity
CPTSD and the Status Quo
Book Reviews:
Quick and Dirty or Reviews that Reveal
Newest Post
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In the Trenches: My Old Frenemy Depression
I’m at a cross roads and frankly rather depressed. The world seems stacked against me. You know the feeling, nothing is going right, everything seems to be harder than it should be. The type of days where the septic backs up, the dog is sick over the floor, your credit card is declined, and shoelaces take just that very perverse moment to add lemon juice to a thousand little paper cuts by breaking.
I feel behind on everything. It doesn’t matter if the reality is that I am behind or not, the feeling of watching something slip out of my grasp is the point.
Yesterday my brain was circling at a thousand rpm and unable to settle on any one thing. I spent the day restless and moving from one point to another just trying to stay in one place long enough to do something. Wash a dish. Hang up a shirt. Update a page. Write an email. And even with those tiny hopes I was struggling.
Today appears better on one front. At least, I can string together a few words. But the depression is heavy as molasses today where every motion is an effort of will. Yes, even typing.
At the core of this, I think, is a question I have about my writing. I’ve put out over 80 queries, mostly I have received crickets. No requests to see anything else. And I’m left wondering, is it just not time for this story? Is my writing that bad? Where have I failed? Other than the glaringly empty in-box.
I have a date with an editor for a developmental edit in a couple of weeks. I’ll be sending out manuscript no. 2 for other eyes to look over. And I’m wondering if it is even worth the bother. And the cost. I’m not rich and paying someone else to look over my work is a huge chunk out of what little savings I have.
Am I throwing that money away simply to be told in no uncertain terms that my idea and writing suck?
Is it time to give up on the dream and go back to work earning a paycheck rather than writing/maintaining the house? Hubs might be happier. I might be relieved, but no, not happier. I might eventually equilibrate at the steady state depression of failure.
I’m working in a vacuum. Agents do not respond. Folks say talk to your fellow writers. I look around and ask where? Plus, if I’m totally honest, I’m too mentally whacked to even approach a group. Solitude, which is my safe place, is also strangling.
So, I’m alone with my thoughts as I am most days. And today those thoughts are cloaked in black. This isn’t bottom. I’ve seen bottom, and this isn’t it. But, I’m not in a good place either and my descent is accelerating.
Photo credit:
Pexels.com/Pixabay
Blog Posts
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In the Trenches: Late Response v No Response
When do you call a late response a no response? This brief note is a bit of a follow up to the last post. I got curious and so went and looked at the stats I am generating off my database for queries. The longest query still open is *drumroll* 331 days old. So that…
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In the Trenches: Harshing on Hope, the Hamster Wheel
Well, I can at least report some progress. Areas of the website are being updated to make sure that all images and photography are correctly attributed. yesterday was spent surveying possible agents. I think after four weeks of working on it, I may have a better query letter ready to go out. There is no…
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In the Trenches: Editors, agents and trolls, oh my!
August! How the **** did that happen? Oh, yeah, family vacation. And, then just family. Oi. Ok, after an embarrassingly long absence, I’m back. The list of items that needs to be dealt with is staggering. And it also has me freaked out. There is a book that needs to be edited and then handed…
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In the Trenches: How to Avoid Troll Bullies and Scams
You might notice my website has a new look. I could claim I was going for a new zen-like vibe, but that’s not it.
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In the Trenches: The Great Agent Shuffle
One thing I am learning while I am spending my time here in the querying trenches is that the publishing industry and the agents are constantly in flux.
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In the Trenches: Latest Editing Update
I’m working my way through Chapter 12. That’s the good news. I have 18 chapters to work my way through. That’s the disheartening bit. I might have to go back over Chapters 1-11. That’s the crushing reality. But, the really crushing thing, other than being so poor I can’t afford my own Ramen without selling…
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In the Trenches: In Querying No Death, No Surrender
In brief, it’s late June and the world is grinding to the summer halt. Except, of course, if you are querying a novel. There is no Armistice Day in these trenches. I’m guessing I am about mid-point through my entire list of ‘potential’ matches. There, of course, have been additions and deletions along the way.…
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In The Trenches: The Querying Ordeal of Silent Rejection
As a writer there is an intrinsic part of this journey that cannot be avoided – unless you are a frikin’ unicorn. The rest of the 99.999% of us must query. And querying is hard. No lie. As a writer, you hear ‘no’ a lot. And really – most, like 99% of the time, there…
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In the Trenches: Frustration Kills Motivation
Runnin’ on Ice. Anyone remember that song from 1986? Go, have a listen. And that just took me down a 15 minute rabbit-hole. Yeup. Distractibility I am your minion.
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In the Trenches: the Latest in the Unending Battle
Working my way through the unending battle of agent research. Always more to do. Cause you know, those people don’t stay put. <that’s a joke folks> Is there anything more painful than researching agents? YES! Planning family vacations. Agonizing over the details for 11-13 people is something I am not very good at. No surprise.…
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In the Trenches: New Words I Learned today
New words are something of a rarity for me. It is not often I find myself saying, “Self, what does that word mean?”
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In the Trenches: New Questions on Query Strategy
I’ve been wondering if my query strategy working. Mainly because at my current rate of queries sent out it looks like I won’t go through my entire list of possible agents for a couple of years.
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In the Trenches: A Bitter Sting of Rejection Hurts
Some days rejection hurts. Being told no just plain old up and hurts. No other way to explain it. Why this one I wonder. I suspect it is because it was one of those hard researched carefully scrutinized choices that I really developed a ‘good feeling about’. You know the ones I’m talking about. The…
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In the Trenches: The Guts of a Good Review
Alright, some of you may have noticed that I am working on catching up on my genre reading. I did put out a call for folks to send me names of authors and books I should be reading from the fantasy genre to ‘catch up’. And crickets. So, I have to go blundering about on…
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In the Trenches: Quick Update
I’m making an effort to get back to my daily posting habit. Let’s see if I can make it stick. Let’s see, I did manage to get out one more query yesterday. And, as always fingers crossed, that this is the time things make a connection. In the evenings I’m working on a new idea.…
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In the Trenches: Up and Down the Long Road
An anticipated but not relished milestone here in the querying trenches.
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In the Trenches: One Disappointment After Another
One of those days. You know, shoelace breaking, coffee burning, flat-tire, alarm didn’t go off, kind of days.
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In the Trenches: Bloody Technology
Sorry for the break there. The computer went tits up on me and I found myself scrambling to migrate to another machine.
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In the Trenches: The Obsession to Organize
Too much stuff. I repeat, way too much stuff to follow. What am I banging on about? Organization of all those wee little details that can trip you up is crucial in the querying pocess. What are some of those little toe-catchers? Follow along for a ‘for example’. You are researching an agent to approach.…
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In the Trenches: Monday
Who keeps ordering these things? Anyway, all attempts at humor aside. It’s time to buckle down and start marching through more editing of book two. And a deeper dive into the querying pool again. I’ll tell you how it all goes upon resurfacing.
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In the Trenches: Spring Cleaning
I’ve been derailed by some health issues. But, back now while all the tests cook. So, I guess today is all about putting my fingers on things and finding out where they are. I’ve had a couple more ‘no’s slither in through the door. But, in response to that I have been re-examining my query…
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In the Trenches: A weird and beautiful type of magic
Querying is, at this moment, going very slowly. I am attempting to shift my brain over to editing mode. I seem to be grinding the gears.
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In the Trenches: Sorry.
I owe you all an apology. I went poof there for a bit. Seems the water got a bit deep. Now, all the stuff is still in the yard, so to speak, but I feel a little less inundated. Time to play catch up. Sometimes I wonder if it is my honesty about my depression…
