This is one of those things that when I think about my Complex-PTSD should have been obvious. How I missed it for so long really confounds me.
I often talk about the paradoxes that arise in C-PTSD. Here I have stumbled into another one. It goes something like this.
Huh. I just realized how weird it is to live with one foot nailed in the past when you can’t remember any of it. ThinkingTooLoud
You feel it,
the first tug pulling you down.
What was the trigger? A word? A thought?
Your thoughts race.
One mental hand
tries to bail while
the other pulls
in the futile
Your mind watches, detached, as you
draw closer, swirling, circling.
Whether you fight or you surrender,
you know you will drown.
Drawn down into those dark waters where
nothing escapes and no light penetrates,
where the monsters dwell.